Journey to Jesus

When I first started my authors platform, someone told me to “just be yourself” and I took that to heart. It was good advice because Lord knows I’m not trying to act like someone I’m not. I like to think that by sharing my imperfections and trials, it might encourage others because it’s never too late to make changes. Each day is a brand-new opportunity to do better and be better.

It’s easy for me to share these things now, because I’m comfortable in my own skin— I know who I am. I’m not a perfect Christian, there is no such thing. Life is not always good. In fact, most of the time life is hard. I’ve been broken down to nothing. I have daily struggles. I am deeply flawed, but, praise God, I am not who I used to be. I keep learning, growing, and doing my best to become a better human.

I made my way through life learning as I went, most of the time the hard way. Had I found Jesus earlier, I might have done things differently, but I don’t look back with regret. I know God’s timing is perfect, and all those experiences helped me become who I am today, and I like who I am now.

Looking back, I can see that I was just a young girl trying to be brave, strong, and independent because that’s what I thought I needed to be. I now realize that all those bumps in life—the twists, turns, and heartbreak, led me right to Jesus and that’s what counts.

Here’s a glimpse of my younger days…

I was just eleven or twelve years old when someone talked to me about sex—not in the “birds and the bees” or “how to prepare your heart” or “why I should wait” sense. No, she gave me play-by-play details about how fun it is. She was older than I was, and I remember my way-too-young brain thinking—cool, I’ll have to try that some time. My parents were amazing, and they loved the Lord, but for what are probably a lot of very understandable reasons, they never talked to me about purity. Nobody did.

I remember my sister and I sneaking alcohol from my parent’s liquor cabinet and refilling the bottles with water. I was just a little kid in grade school! I don’t know why we did it, but we thought it would be fun, and I was always ready to have some fun.

When I was dared to steal something from the corner store, I didn’t hesitate. I wasn’t going to shy away from a dare.  It was just candy, but I got caught, scolded, and I was scared, but at the same time, oddly proud of myself for taking the dare. I wanted to prove to the world that I was not afraid of anything.

I have a vivid memory of riding my bike down the street where I grew up and running into some friends from junior high who were smoking marijuana.  Without hesitation, I took a hit. I remember thinking, why not? I was always willing to try new things.

I found high school to be dull, cliquey, and a complete waste of time, so I decided to fast track my way out and finish my high school education in a continuation school. I had big plans for my life, and no one was going to hold me back.

I moved out at sixteen—not because home life was horrible, but because I wanted to live life on my own terms.

Marry someone before living together? Why on earth would ANYONE do that?

Temper? Yep.

Rebellious? Yes. Ugh.

Felt invincible? Totally.

Prideful? Oh, my goodness, yes. Terribly prideful. I thought I knew it all.

I grew up quickly and experienced a lot of intense things early in life—it wasn’t good. You probably wouldn’t believe some of it even if I told you, so let’s just say that as I got older, the risks became greater. The decisions I made had some consequences, but by the grace of our mighty God, I rolled into my twenties essentially unscathed. 

Showing myself some grace here, I didn’t know better. I really didn’t. And even though I did a lot of stupid things, I had integrity and enough sense to always handle my business. I would quickly learn the path I was on was not for me. It was in my late teens that I began to live my life with intention. I wanted to make something of myself. I still made plenty of mistakes, but I worked hard and had goals. By the time I started my career, my wild days were just a distant memory. Having children made me a better, less selfish, person, BUT GOD (praising him with every breath as I write this) changed EVERYTHING…

I’m sanctifying my life. I’m intentional about how I spend my time—what I watch, listen to, and read, because I believe all that matters.  It has an impact. I’m confident in declaring myself a Christian woman because it’s the core of who I am now. Less pride and more humility. Definitely more faith than fear. I dive into scripture daily, not out of obligation, but because I want to learn. I’ve made some questionable decisions, but I’ve learned from my mistakes and keep striving to do better. I’m wiser now. I didn’t come to know Jesus until much later in life so if we’re comparing (which we’re not) my stack of sins is probably a lot taller than others. But I know there’s enough grace to cover all my sins, and yours too. Thank you, Jesus.

God knows our hearts. He knows our intentions. And that’s what matters most. I truly, authentically, with every ounce of me, believe in, love, and worship Jesus Christ, and that has changed everything in my life.  

Honestly, it feels good not worrying about what others think of me. This post may surprise some people and I might be judged for it, but I’m ok with that because when God transforms your heart, like He did mine, there’s no looking back with regret. Nope. Only lessons and tremendous gratitude for today and hope for the days yet to come.  Transforming grace—that’s my grateful hallelujah. Yes and Amen!