Assumptions

When I left my full-time job and started working from home, I told my husband he would never have to do laundry again. Three years later I’m standing true to my word—I do all the laundry. Darwin works hard and travels a lot so I’m happy to make sure our laundry is done, and everything in our home is nice and orderly—it’s my thing. Now before I get further into this, let me tell you, my husband and I get along brilliantly. We rarely argue or get on each other’s nerves, well, except for those times during the pandemic lockdown, but anyhoo, on with the story…

For months I kept finding coat hangers on the couch in my office where my husband’s closet is. Every time I picked them up I thought to myself—that’s kind of rude. Why does he carelessly throw the hangers on the couch? Does he just assume I’ll pick up after him? I kept forgetting to mention it to Darwin until one day I was sitting in my office working when he walked in, slid open the closet door, and picked out his clothes for the day. I watched as he pulled out his brown boots from the floor of the closet, grabbed his coat off the shelf, then took out the blue, button-up shirt he wanted to wear, and proceeded to toss the hanger on the couch. A perfect opportunity for me to voice my irritation, which I did. With a look of surprise on his face, he responded…

“I’m sorry, babe. I thought it would be easier if the hangers were out, so you don’t have to look for them.”

I told him it wasn’t helpful, and to please put them back in the closet. I felt better knowing his intentions—it made sense to me. Not to get mushy but my husband and I try to bless each other whenever we can. We want to make life easier for one another.

Now every time I’m doing laundry and go to hang up his clothes, I regret telling him to put the hangers back in the closet. Turns out it IS helpful to have them out! That way I don’t have to rummage through the closet looking for them. He was just being thoughtful.

Darwin, if you’re reading this, go back to tossing the hangers on the couch. I love you.

Readers, this may seem like a silly example but there’s a message here I’m trying to convey…

Try not to make assumptions. Better not to guess about one’s intentions. Sometimes we create stories in our minds that are far from true. We make up our own version and play out imaginary arguments in our head over things that we don’t know for certain. We overthink, rehearse what we will say, and spend time and energy on negative thoughts. I don’t know why we do this, but we do. And we shouldn’t. I think it’s best to believe that people have good intentions—start there and see where it takes you.

When you feel like you’ve been disrespected or wronged in some way, before you jump to conclusions or make accusations, ask questions. Don’t assume the worst. Take a breath, show some grace, keep an open mind, and inquire. I guarantee you this practice will ease your mind, protect your peace, and spare you of unnecessary conflict. Life really is too short for nonsense.

Believe the best about people and watch what happens—they just might show you the best version of themselves. Read that last sentence again!