ALL ABOUT JESUS

In the early summer of 2022, something really cool happened. I was asked to be a guest speaker at a Christian Women’s Retreat in Texas with an expected one hundred women attending. The lovely lady that asked me, who is now a dear friend, graciously gave me time to pray about it before making my decision. I was honored she asked. Incredibly honored! But honestly, I felt unequipped. I was not prepared to speak to that many women. What would I say to them? I didn’t want to pass on the opportunity but I knew it was too much for me, so I prayed about it and messaged her a week later.

“Oh my gosh, I’m saying yes!”

Listen friends, in my walk with Jesus if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s to listen to my spirit. If I feel God is calling me to something, I must go. It was clear to me that this speaking engagement was God’s will and I knew He would see me through it. I’ve been trusting Him for years now, and He hasn’t let me down once.

But after the “yes”, I was overcome with doubt. In a bit of a panic, I called my youngest son, Justin, who knows me well.

“Justin, this is not a small group, there will be a whole room full of Christian women who have likely walked with the Lord much longer than I have, and they are all probably well-versed in scripture. What could I possibly have to say that would be of value?”

My son, God bless him, didn’t hesitate.

“Mom, knowing scripture is impressive, and a life-long walk with Jesus is a huge blessing, but not everyone has experienced the intimacy you have with Christ. Not everyone has seen what you’ve seen, and remember, those women love Jesus just like you do. You are called to reflect His glory, now go do it!”

His words went straight to my heart. It encouraged me and I started getting less nervous and more excited—more faith than fear, right? But it didn’t last long. Doubt was hanging around and stirring up all my insecurities. I was nervous but I wasn’t going to back-out. At this point I didn’t have a choice, I already said yes. I had to go.

A month later I had the opportunity to visit Carmel—if you’re not familiar with Carmel, it’s a gorgeous coastal town in Northern California. If you get the chance you should go, it’s an incredible place. Anyway, it was a weekend getaway with my sister, Martha. Martha’s my person. We’re just a few years apart in age and super close. The timing and trip felt like the perfect opportunity to clear my mind and start praying about Texas.

Martha and I arrived in Carmel and it was just beautiful. By the end of the first day my soul felt peaceful and light. The second morning of our trip, I woke up extra early and hopped out of bed, eager to spend time with the Lord and start preparing for my presentation. I threw on my clothes quickly, careful not to wake my sister, and headed to the coffee pot in the kitchenette. I don’t know about you, but my brain is mush until that first sip. I literally get excited the night before just thinking about my morning coffee.

With coffee in hand, I proceeded to open my bible and read God’s word but I was distracted, still questioning my ability to speak in Texas. I put the bible aside, dropped to my knees, and prayed…

“Father God, your word tells us we can pray for anything and if we believe it we will receive it. I know all things are possible through you, Father, and I trust you. I’m praying for guidance. I’m praying for this presentation in Texas. I ask you to cast away my fears, God. I pray that your words, not mine, will speak to these women and bless them. I believe it. I receive it. I call it done in the name of Jesus!”

I smiled as I stood up, gathered my coffee and bible, and sat down to get started on my presentation and then God called me right back to my knees and spoke. Not audibly, I never actually hear Him speak out loud, but He spoke to my heart…

“I have prepared you; I will give you the words to speak to others. I will be with you. Now go tell them about Me.”

I sat there in disbelief. I was shaking. It took everything I had not to run in and wake Martha up to tell her what just happened, but I didn’t do that. It felt like a divine moment, so I stayed on my knees and praised Him.

This is the intimacy my son was speaking of. God was talking to me! I feel like He was telling me to come to Him for everything. He was telling me that I could trust Him completely, fully, always. A wave of peace came as I felt His love wash over me. Trust Him with everything? That truth came with such relief and gratitude that in an instant, I felt changed forever.

Let me back-up, just three weeks prior to the trip to Carmel, I found myself in an ugly place. It hasn’t happened many times that I’ve felt so desperate. But something was going on with me. I felt overwhelmed. It wasn’t just one thing, it was everything. The world was in chaos and people I cared about were struggling in depression and anxiety. I felt the despair of the world and it was heavy.

I wasn’t sleeping well and then somehow I twisted my ankle so getting outside and exercising was out of the question. My ankle hurt and was swollen—I couldn’t even put my shoes on. The ugliness just kept piling up until it felt like my head might explode. I was in pain, I was anxious, and I wasn’t sleeping. I felt like a zombie. A total mess. In desperation, I dropped to my knees and cried to God for healing.

“PLEASE Father, I feel like I’m drowning here.”

I remember praying for a long time. I didn’t want to be selfish and ask for too much, so I just prayed for some kind of relief. Anything. I just needed to know God was still with me.

I went to bed that night feeling awful. Wide awake at 2:00 a.m., I hobbled to the bathroom exhausted and in pain. My ankle was swollen and throbbing. I thought about turning on the coffee and starting my day because I was certain I would not be able to go back to sleep but opted not to and crawled back into my bed. I closed my eyes for what felt like just a few minutes, opened them up again and looked at the clock—it was 6:30 a.m. I slept soundly for over 4 hours! Feeling rested and better already, I got up and turned the coffee on and hopped back into bed to read, and then realized something—I had no pain. I immediately stood up, pressing my entire body weight to my feet, and felt nothing. In fact, it took a minute for me to remember which ankle had been swollen because they looked the same.

Much like the time in Carmel, it took my breath away. I was shaking. I sat on the edge of my bed in total shock.

Had Jesus just literally healed my ankle? Yes. Yes He did.

Hours later I went to use eye drops and something in my spirit stopped me and said I didn’t need them anymore. You see, I’ve been using eye drops for years because there’s tons of dust where we live and I have allergies— my eyes burn and itch, so I’ve been using the drops 1-3 times a day. It’s been months now and I haven’t used eye drops because my eyes feel better. Lots better.

Did God heal my eyes? Absolutely, He did.

That night and for most nights since I’ve slept pretty well. I stopped taking Excedrin PM and Melatonin because my spirit said I don’t need sleep aides anymore.

Did Jesus give me the rest I so desperately needed? Yes. Yes, indeed.

Listen, I know Jesus is all powerful and can do anything. He can move mountains and raise the dead, He healed the leper, calmed the storm and all those things, and yet, I am in utter shock that He healed me. Who am I that He would do that for me?

He gave me more than I asked for—I was so caught up in my own head that I had forgotten He already knows my heart. He knows what I need.

I did end up going to Texas. It was a life-changing, spiritual experience I will never forget. Jesus walked with me through the entire event and gave me all that I needed to deliver a presentation that blessed me and others. And all those women I was so nervous to speak in front of? They rose to their feet in applause when I was done. As I write this to you now, I cannot find the words to describe how that felt to me—my heart still soars every time I think about that weekend.

I am so in awe of God’s power. He keeps revealing the depths of His love, drawing me closer to Him, helping me to understand who He is. Life can be hard and chances are there will be more suffering ahead, but now, knowing what I know and having been through what I’ve been through, when I’m faced with life’s storms instead of letting stress and worry get the best of me, I ask questions…

God, why are you showing me this? Why are you allowing it? What am I to learn?

When I’m in those valleys it never lasts long because I trust Jesus, and I know without a single doubt, that He will meet me where I am…

He met me in Texas when I stood in front of over one hundred women and talked about how He rescued me and my son.

When I’m staring out of the window and can’t find the words to write, I pray over my keyboard, and He meets me there.

In the grocery store parking lot when I’m weary, I just say His name and comfort comes.

In the deepest darkest nights when I’m staring at the ceiling overthinking my day, with thoughts racing and swirling around in my head, He meets me there and gives me rest.

And He will meet you, in your pain, too. No matter who you are or what you’re going through, He will meet you there…

In the darkness of depression. In the addictions you battle. In the anxiety that makes it hard to breathe. In the secrets we keep, in the things we can’t talk about, in our shame. He will meet you there.

On the floor of the bathroom when you don’t think you can make it through another day.

He will meet you there.

In the kitchen next to the sink full of dirty dishes that have been there for weeks.

He will meet you there.

In the unraveling. In our suffering. He will meet you there.

Jesus is always with us. Arms wide open. His grace overflowing and abundant. His love is so pure that nothing compares. For all of you reading this that feel like you’re hanging by a thread, I’m with you. I’ve been there. I may not know your exact situation but I know what it’s like to feel lost and broken. You’ve got to hold on. Tell someone, share your heart, don’t keep secrets. Shame and fear are not of God – let all that go! Get support. Pray relentlessly. Open your Bible and call on Jesus. I don’t know how or when, but He will show up for you. He always does.

Here’s a quote that I love...

“Those who leave everything in God’s hand will eventually see God’s hand in everything.”

~ Author Unknown.

Look for Him and you will see Him everywhere…

In the rise and setting of the sun. As He moves mountains in your life. When He transforms hearts, heals ankles, gives rest, soothes burning eyes, and when you say yes to something you’re not equipped to do, He will make a way. He just keeps showing up.

I still have doubts and fears that try to grip me, but I don’t live in that space anymore. I am a daughter of the King. In Christ I am strong, brave, and capable. And so are you, Beloved.

Consider this: Every morning before your feet hit the ground, declare, out loud, that Jesus Christ is your Lord and Savior and see how your life changes.

My friends, as you face the struggles in this fallen world, remember who you are, and whose you are. In Christ we have all that we need forever and ever, Amen!